Romance Scams: How to Recognize One, and What to Do Next
A romance scam is not one bad phone call. It is a relationship built over weeks or months by someone who is not who they say they are, and it ends with a request for money. Here is how to recognize it, and what to do if it has already happened.
By the Numbers
- $1.14B — Reported lost to romance scams in 2023 (FTC)
- 11M — Adults 50+ asked for money online (AARP)
- 55% — Who lost money never reported it (AARP)
What is a romance scam?
A romance scam is a long con dressed up as a relationship. Someone reaches out — on a dating app, on social media, or in a text that looks like a wrong number — and spends weeks or months becoming the most attentive person in your life. There is always a reason they cannot meet in person. Then the money starts: a medical bill, a customs charge, a stuck paycheck, a can't-miss cryptocurrency investment. The FTC recorded 64,003 romance scam reports in 2023 and $1.14 billion in reported losses, with a median loss of $2,000 per person.
- Contact starts out of the blue — a dating app, a social media message, or a text sent to the "wrong number"
- They move the conversation off the app quickly, to texting and phone calls
- Affection escalates fast: daily calls, pet names, talk of a future together
- There is always a reason they cannot meet in person or show their face on a live video call
- The first request for money is small and comes with a story attached
- Payment is asked for in gift cards, wire transfers, bank transfers, or cryptocurrency
- Once money is sent, the requests keep coming — and the amounts grow
How the scam works
1. The opening message
It arrives unasked for: a friend request, a dating-app match, or a text that starts "Hi, is this Karen?" You reply that they have the wrong number, they apologize warmly, and a conversation begins.
2. The grooming
Over weeks or months they call and text every day. They ask about your health, your children, your late spouse. They listen. For someone living alone, wanting that attention is not foolish — it is human. This stage is the whole scam. The money is only the ending.
3. The reason they cannot meet
An oil rig contract. A military deployment overseas. A hospital in another country. The story explains why you have never seen their face on a live video call, and why you never will.
4. The first ask
Something goes wrong and they need help: a few hundred dollars for a phone bill, a customs charge on a gift they say they sent you, a medical emergency. It is small enough to say yes to, and it comes with a promise to pay you back.
5. The escalation
After the first payment, the asks grow — wire transfers, gift card numbers read aloud over the phone, cryptocurrency deposits. Some scammers hand the victim off to a fake investment "advisor." Others simply keep going until the savings are gone.
Warning signs of a romance scam
- Someone you have never met in person says they love you within a few weeks
- They will not do a live video call, or the video is always too dark or too brief to see them
- Every plan to meet in person falls apart at the last minute, and there is a cost attached
- They ask you to keep the relationship private from your family
- They want money sent by gift card, wire transfer, bank transfer, or cryptocurrency
- They offer to teach you about a cryptocurrency investment with guaranteed returns
- They ask you to receive money or packages and forward them on to someone else
- Their photos look like a magazine model's, and the same photos turn up elsewhere online
How Gini helps
Screening on the calls you did not expect
These relationships usually move to the phone, and they often start with a call or a "wrong number" text from a number you do not know. Gini answers unknown calls before your phone rings, so a stranger working an opening line has to get past an AI screening assistant first. That means fewer cold approaches reaching you.
Suspicious texts get flagged
First contact is often a text message. Gini scans your texts and flags the ones that read like a scam opening, so you get a second opinion before you reply. Gini does not write or send texts for you — it points out the ones worth ignoring.
Live call analysis listens for the money ask
When you are on a connected call, Gini can listen and watch for the patterns these scams run on: pressure, requests for secrecy, and demands to send money by gift card, wire, or cryptocurrency. When it hears them, it warns you while you are still on the line, and the caller cannot tell it is happening.
Honest about what this one can be
Gini cannot tell you whether someone loves you, and we will not pretend an app on your phone can undo a relationship built over months. What it can do is narrow the opening: screen the strangers who call, flag suspicious texts, and give you — and the family member who worries — a signal early enough to matter.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I'm being scammed in an online relationship?
The clearest sign is money. If someone you have met only online or by phone asks you to send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency, treat it as a scam — no matter how long you have known them or how good the reason sounds. Two more tests: ask for a live video call at a time you choose, and tell one person in your family about the relationship. A real partner will do the first and will not object to the second.
What do I do if I already sent money to a romance scammer?
Stop sending money and act today, because some payments can still be stopped. Call your bank or the wire service right away and ask them to reverse or freeze the transfer. If you sent gift cards, call the card company with the card numbers and your receipts. Report it to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI at ic3.gov. Then tell one person you trust. AARP found that 55 percent of adults 50 and older who lost money to a romance scam never reported it, largely out of shame — and that silence is what lets the same criminals keep working.
Why would a smart person fall for a romance scam?
Because these are professionals running a script over months, on someone who has been alone. AARP's 2026 research found that nearly 1 in 10 adults 50 and older — about 11 million Americans — had an online romantic connection that turned into a request for money or a cryptocurrency pitch, and that 45 percent of adults 50 and older say they are not knowledgeable about how these scams work. Being targeted is not a character flaw. It is a crime someone committed against you.
Can Gini stop a romance scam?
Not on its own, and we will not claim otherwise. A romance scam grows inside a relationship you chose to have, often over many months, and no app can referee that. What Gini does is narrow the opening. It answers unknown callers before your phone rings, so fewer strangers get a first conversation with you. It flags suspicious texts so you get a second opinion. And on a connected call, it listens for the pressure and money-request patterns these scams depend on, then warns you while the caller is still on the line.
How do I talk to my mother or father about someone they met online?
Lead with curiosity, not a verdict. Ask how they met, whether they have seen each other on a live video call, and whether money has come up — then listen without saying "you're being scammed." People dig in when they feel accused and go quiet when they feel ashamed. If money has already moved, put the conversation on the next step — call the bank, report it at reportfraud.ftc.gov — rather than on how it happened.
Where do romance scams usually start?
Most start on a dating app or on social media. AARP found that the majority of people it surveyed met the person on a dating app or social media, and the FTC has reported that 40 percent of people who lost money to a romance scam in 2022 said the contact started on social media. Others begin with a text message to a stranger — the "wrong number" opener. From there the scammer moves the conversation to private texting and phone calls as fast as they can, because that is where an app's reporting tools stop protecting you.
Other scam guides
- Medicare Scams — Medicare fraud costs an estimated $60 billion a year.
- IRS Scams — IRS impersonation is the #1 phone scam in America.
- Social Security Scams — Social Security impersonation scams are the #1 government impostor fraud.
- Jury Duty Scams — The call says you missed jury duty, a warrant has been issued, and you can pay a fine right now to avoid being arrested.
- Sweepstakes and Lottery Scams — The call says you have won a sweepstakes, a lottery, or a new car, and all that is left is a small payment for taxes, customs, or processing.
- Grandparent Scams — Scammers call pretending to be a grandchild in trouble, begging for money.
- AI Voice Cloning Scams — Scammers now use AI to clone a loved one's voice from just seconds of audio, then call begging for emergency money.